Friday, January 31, 2014

The Meaning of It ALL..

When I was going through my darkest days, I questioned my will to live. Nobody should suffer that way in any lifetime. I felt a heavy heart and and nothing I did felt right. I had no one that understood the conflict and pain that was going on in me. Throughout the whole process of getting slowly sicker, getting rejected from doctors, friends and family, finding an endo, going through the tests, labs and scans, having surgery, then waiting for recovery--- It felt like it was too much to handle. I felt weak. People told me that I must be strong to still be holding on but I felt like any moment I would let myself slip away and find peace with God.

After all of the suffering, I did not know what I suffered for. Until this happened....

 ^sorry I couldn't get the whole message! But I replied to your recent email today!! Stay strong <3

 ^ When I started getting emails, messages, and comments from people (I am keeping their indentity anonymous) who are in the same position I was a few years back. These people are suffering, falling apart, and are on the brink of breaking. They need an answer to it all. That is when I realize my purpose of  all the suffering was to be here for these people, write this blog and tell them, I understand what they are going through. And am the example for them to know that if they hold on, they WILL be okay. These past few months have been getting better. and everyday I am getting stronger inside and out. I never knew how weak I was until I realized how much strength I do have now. If that makes any sense! lol. The weakness, suffering and pain is somehow becoming the strength I have within myself now. I just want to thank again to the recovered women who told me I will be okay. I remember life felt so pointless. My hair was falling out, my face was full of cystic pimples and scars, my face looked like a heavy saggy mask, my body was swollen. I felt like I would never get back to the way I use to look. But the amazing thing is that, I feel more beautiful than ever now than  before. I don't know how it is possible after going through hypercortolism. Maybe it took all of this for me to find strength and self love. I want to thank you for all the people who have reached out to me. And thankyou for reading my blog. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't know the meaning of it all and finding the peace inside myself. So please stay strong and I will be there whenever you guys need an ear, a prayer, or an answer or anything. <3

Here are some links for when you want to read more about other patient's stories and you can contact the recovered patients:


  1. You are amazing! Thank you for being there and thank you for your blogs. Your suffering hasn't been for nothing, you are an inspiration to others!