Thursday, June 20, 2013

Things Not to Say to A Sick Person

The other day my sister and I were having a discussion and she told me that somebody who she knows-- let's call her Suzie (I'm trying to keep it anonymous) suffers from a behavior disorder, and one day Suzie told my sister about her condition to explain why she is the way she is and she cannot help the way she acts and feels. She said that the disorder takes control of her thinking and she takes medication to feel stable because she tends to have anger issues and a lot of misunderstandings due to her condition. Well my sister listened to everything Suzie had to say and my sister then said "I'm sorry I understand and know how you feel" then Suzie got really mad and angrily responded " How would you understand or know how I feel?". Of course my sister apologized again for it and tries not to say anything that could be misconstrued to Suzie again.

My sister then later came and talked to me and told me what had happened with her and Suzie. I then told her that the saying " I know how you feel" or "I understand" is my trigger too lol I don't know why but I guess a healthy person cannot fathom at all what a sick person feels or goes through on the daily and so they cannot say those kinds of things. I know that it comes from a place of sympathy and empathy but In my opinion the sick person wants to just talk and let out some steam from their condition and what they really want is just a lending ear from someone who cares. So my sister asked me what can she say or cannot say to a sick person. And I told her, The sick person doesn't want any kind of advice or suggestions so don't feel the need to give any tips unless they ask for it.
For example: you shouldn't say, "why don't you try (blank) it'll make you feel better" because the sick person would think "well you think that if I did such and such I would suddenly be healthy again?!"
 then you say"things happen for a reason" the sick person would think "so are you saying I got sick and got tortured mentally and physically for some kind of reason?"
oh and my #1 favorite is "You must feel (blank)" --why is that the worst thing to say to someone? because sick or healthy, nobody likes to be told how they are feeling. nobody knows how they feel except for the person living it. I would never want anyone to have this illness but if you can walk a mile in my shoes, then you can say that or whatever you want.

lol so I was reading other blogs from other chicks with chronic illnesses and found some funny quotes and lists of things not to say to a sick person. I'll post it up. Well thanks for reading and remember not to say these things:

(I wouldn't wish what I have on anyone, but unless you get it, you just don't get it)


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